I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
