I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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