return my video game
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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