Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
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I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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