eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
