Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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