apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
