"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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