So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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