I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
