I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
