I cut my penus on the lid.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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