No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
