Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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