I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
