we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
