Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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