Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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