Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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