Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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