Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
