Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
