So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
