At least make sure they are 18
Why
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
