I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
