he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
