so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
