my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
