Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
