If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
