my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
