A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
