we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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