Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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