so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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