just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
