our cab driver is having phone sex.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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