I just threw up on my dentist
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
