google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
