There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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