Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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