Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
