god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
