Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
