i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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