Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
