So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
