I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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