I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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