I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
