the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i out mim tonsoeep
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
