we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
