When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
40s are totally the cure
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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