he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's blow job season.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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