eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
