How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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