how can u be prego again
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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