The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
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he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
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Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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