Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
