I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
