I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
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Life is so much better after having sex.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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