apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
