Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Nicole vs. Life
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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