That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
