The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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